Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Reflections on the "last" day

36 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Hard to find shirts to cover the belly! :)

This is the last day that I'll be a mother of only 1 child. Okay, I know I'm technically already a mother of 3 children, but taking care of 2 out of the 3 has been pretty easy. I know not everyone gets to know when their last day of being pregnant is, so I do consider this a rare treat. I'm not sure if it's better for me to know when I'm having the twins or not- so many sides of the equation to consider. Generally, I'm pretty excited to know that things are a bit planned out this time given the whole c-section situation. I can make sure that things are lined up for childcare and generally ready to go before I go into the hospital. These are bonuses for someone like me who likes to plan. On the other hand, it makes me dwell on the situation a bit too much. I feel like everything I do is a "last." Last load of laundry before the girls come, last trip to the grocery store, etc. I feel like I need to squeeze in every last thing with Kaden, as if I'll never have a chance to do them ever again. I feel a bit sad for Kaden, knowing that his world is completely changing. No longer will it be fun days at home for just Mommy and Kaden; life will change. It will be a good change, and he's going to be a great big brother. He talks about his sisters ALL of the time and shows me how he's going to hold them and take care of them. He understands that Mommy is going to have 2 babies, and that they might cry, and that Mommy and Daddy will be at the hospital for a few days. Knowing how excited he is makes me excited for him to finally meet his sisters.

Having never gone through a situation like this before, it's hard to know what I'm supposed to feel. I guess most mothers who transition from 1 child to 2 (or more in my case) probably go through the same set of emotions, but I feel like no one ever talks about it. So here I am, blogging away with my feelings, sharing how sad I am that things won't be the same for Kaden and worrying that I won't give him the attention that he needs. However, I'm also SO excited to meet our daughters and begin life as a family of 5. I definitely think that the good outweighs the bad, and that as time passes, we'll adjust and all be just fine :).

It's also crazy to think that this is the last day that I'll ever be pregnant (Lord willing :). Even through the ups and downs of this pregnancy, I really can't complain, and I'll be honest, I might miss getting poked and kicked constantly every once in awhile. In fact, as I sit here typing this blog entry, Baby B has the hiccups, and my stomach is going up and down at very regular intervals. How cool is that?!? I feel so blessed to have been able to bear our children, and this experience is one that I'll never forget. I AM looking forward to being comfortable when I sleep again, for my shoes and wedding ring to fit again, and for my terrible heartburn/acid reflux to go away. I guess I won't miss ALL of the parts of pregnancy! :)

I struggled with what to do today with Kaden to celebrate "last" day. I told myself that I would savor the small moments and pick my battles. I snuggled on the couch with him while he ate breakfast, went to Meijer for a few last-minute items and even let him walk instead of ride in the cart while he ate his free cookie. We played at home, got our new dishwasher installed, and relaxed. Kaden's taking a nap right now, I plan to read a few magazines and pack some final items, and my parents will be here in a few hours. Before you know it, we'll be going to bed early in preparation for our big day tomorrow. Most importantly, I hope I'm focusing on the important things today. No time wasted surfing the internet, no time wasted watching tv. Only time spent with my little buddy, my family, and savoring these peaceful moments.

Until tomorrow, my friends.


thesloothaaks said...

This all sounds so familiar, Jen! I think that every momma goes through these feelings as their families change and grow. And yet, tomorrow when you first lay your eyes on those two little girls, you won't be able to imagine how you ever had a family without them. Thinking of you and saying prayers for savored moments tonight!

Sweet Home Colorado said...

Oh my! Jill said exactly what I was going to say!!! We have all been right there with you! Blessings to you and your new growing family! Can't wait to hear all about the story of their birth!!!