Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Lent- Day 29

85. Breakdowns.  This morning I officially lost it.  Kaden had another meltdown and refused to get on the bus.  Tears, yelling, screaming, frustration, anxiety all appeared in our house before 8am.  It wasn't pretty.  I've really been struggling with his latest kick of not wanting to go to school.  We can't figure out where it's coming from or nail it down.  We have some ideas, but nothing major that we can fix.  We're trying to get him to figure out where his feelings are coming from, too.  As a parent, it's frustrating when you want to understand why your child feels a certain way or acts a certain way and then you're unable to.  After I dropped him off at school, and left him kicking and screaming in the arms of a staff member who happened to be right outside his room, my heart was heavy.  I ran into his teacher on the way out, who was doing assessments with some students.  And I broke down. Through the tears, I explained my frustration, my weakness as a parent, my anxiety over Kaden's recent meltdowns.  I'm trying to think of a blessing for this moment of raw emotion, and I'm not sure how to label this one.  It's usually during these times when I need a nudge to have a heart check.  To make sure my heart is right with Christ.  To keep my intentions, my thoughts, my actions focused on him.  To show my children the grace and love of Christ.  I know I haven't been doing this as well as I can through Kaden's breakdowns, but I'm trying.  I'm trying to be Christ to my kids, but, man, somedays, it's just.plain.tough.

86. Seeing old students.  Today I saw one of my former Calvin students teaching at Kaden's school.  I had no idea that she taught there.  She was a great student and I knew someone would snatch her up!  I'm blessed beyond words to be able to teach students.  I love teaching, and I love running into former students.  It's not often that I run into former Calvin students, and sometimes I wonder if they'll remember anything I taught them.  However, when I see former students teaching and doing what they love, I can't help but feel blessed to be a part of their educational experience :)

87. Generational blessings.  Andy and I had the pleasure of attending a dress-rehearsal performance at Kaden's school today in preparation for Grandparent's Day coming up.  Moments like this re-affirm for me why we make the sacrifice to send our children to a Christian school.  Hearing a room full of children sing "Bless the Lord Oh my Soul" and watching students raise their hands in authentic praise to Christ is such an amazing blessing.  It brings tears to my eyes, joy to my soul, and the refreshment I needed on a day like today.  Watching him sing his heart out, and smile from ear to ear when he saw us sitting there was heart-warming.  I'm thankful that our parents get to feel this way when they see the program in a few weeks, and that the blessing of Christian Education continues through the generations.

No comments: